Day 3! 1/3/10

The Heart Part:

“We are products of our past, but we don’t have to be prisoners of it.” (RW)

So true. The bigger question is, however, how do we free ourselves from the pain of our past? I have a theory about forgiveness. If forgiveness were easy, it wouldn’t be forgiveness! Think about that for a moment. Certainly there are infractions against me that are easy to forgive; the person who cuts me off in traffic (because after all, I don’t know that driver), the friend who tells a secret and exposes something I am ashamed of (a friend who loves me and didn’t mean to hurt me), or an unkind word spoken in the heat of the moment (she didn’t say that intentionally to hurt me, she was just in a hurting place herself). Even those smaller issues involve process, some longer than others.

What about the BIG hurts? What about the childhood wound from thirty years ago that gets rehearsed over and over in my mind when something painful happens today? Or, an issue in my marriage that will rise up at an inopportune time and take my by surprise? These are all things I have worked through, yet they still make uninvited appearances in my memory, giving resentment an opportunity show up as well. I don’t know the answer to these questions I am asking. However, I do know that forgiveness is a process. It’s the process of me revisiting those hurts without feeling bitterness toward the ones who hurt me. Forgiveness is a fresh and new opportunity to say, “Yes, Lord. I forgive.” Knowing that each time this process is rubbing off a bit more of a rough edge, gilding me a little brighter.

The actual title of The Purpose Driven Life chapter today was, “What drives your life?” I find this question a little haunting. The statement in the previous paragraph was about the person who is driven by resentment or anger, and I identified somewhat with that person… at least on some level. Not everything I do is driven by anger, but I know that some things I do consistently are the result of unresolved anger in my life. The other drives that Warren reveals are:

1. Resentment & Anger- they allow their past to control their future
2. Fear- fear is a self-imposed prison that will keep you from becoming what God wants you to be
3. Materialism- possessions only provide temporary happiness
4. Need for Approval- unfortunately, those who follow the crowd eventually get lost in it

Though the question, “what drives me?” is hard for me to answer, I can honestly say that I identify to some degree with all four of the possibilities listed.

In my daily Bible reading yesterday was the story of Cain and Able. I read the words of God’s curse on Cain, “You will be a restless wanderer on the earth,” and I cringed a little inside. I thought to myself, “I sadly identify with that.” And then on page 28 of my text, The Purpose Driven Life, I read it again… the exact same words! Oh yes, I think that is a God thing. I had to sit up and take notice of the scripture- you will be a restless wanderer on the earth. I must admit I have felt that way at many times in my life… wandering without a purpose.

I don’t think the reasons behind that last statement are as important as the goal to become someone with purpose. I do go there, though…to that place where I rationalize, “Well, I did that because I thought this…”etc. Perhaps you identify. Regardless of where I try to go with the rationalization, I have always believed that “all things work together for the good for those that love God and are called according to his purpose.” Aha! I am just quoting that scripture off of the top of my head and look what is at the end of it! “His purpose.” I have relied on that scripture for years to make all of my uniformed, ignorant choices okay. I have always believed that no matter how bad I mess it up; God can use the circumstances to work things together for my good. And now I see it all so clearly, “for those who are called according to His purpose.”

So, I will not fret over what I sometimes call "the wasted years." I have learned from them. I move forward. Today is a day of purpose for me. I will not waste another day wandering the earth with no purpose. I will not be Cain. Thank you, Lord!

The Hard Body part:

Okay, today (Sunday) was to be a day of rest for my body. But as I just started exercising I felt like I should do something. I was going to walk the dogs but my day got away from me (that doesn’t sound so purposeful, does it?). So, I opted for a 2-mile walk in the comfort of my living room. You’ve probably seen the instructor on an infomercial; Leslie Sansome. She’s delightful. The walk is easy yet the heart rate gets up. She’s very encouraging and I do not at all get tired of listening to her. And, though she is clearly very fit, she has a “real” body. Birthing hips! I also like that she wears modest attire and is not flaunting ripped shoulders at me with every “reach!” She seems like a nice lady and 40 minutes with her was so great, I will do it again very soon.

I am also going to start doing a little bit of yoga with my lighter workouts (about 10 minutes). The stretching is so good for you. There are, or course, several workouts to choose from on Cox Freezone. And in case you are wondering, I don’t embrace the various religions that tend to go hand-in-hand with yoga. I have friends who think that yoga is a bad choice for Christians. I think that so much of what is part of yoga is exactly what Jesus talked about; renewing your mind, meditating on things that are “good, honest, lovely and of good report,” and taking good care of yourself. So, my encouragement is, do the yoga! When the instructor says something I don’t agree with spiritually, I just move on, filling my mind with worship and praise to God as I relax and stretch. It’s very rewarding!

I have found another fun website resource (link to the right on the homepage) for Prevention magazine. There are several 60-second videos with some great information. I watched one video explaining how, after eating a cheeseburger, you should dig into some frozen yogurt in order to reduce fat absorption. It’s true! Check it out!

And here are a few fun tips from my Fitness Magazine:

Good for you goodies:

If you’re craving: Dig into:

Chocolate Chip Cookies Kahsi TLC Oatmeal Dark Chocolate Chip cookies. These are packed with so many “good for you” ingredients. (I have had these and they are terrific. They have high calories for a snack though, so you will only want one… but you’ll really want two!)

Brownies Glenny’s All Natural 100 Cal Brownies. They’re gooey, rich, low in fat (0 trans fats), high in fiber and individually packaged for easy portion control.

Cake Amy’s Organic Orange Cakes. All natural with no trans or saturated fat and only 180 calories per thick slice, this pound cake won’t pack on the pounds.

I hope the “hard body” part of your day includes some “heart healthy” moving about and a “heart healthy” goody like a Kashi Chocolate Chip cookie! Target sells them. J

The Head Part:

Well, tomorrow (which is actually today as I am writing this a day late) is the start of my “head” journey. This week I will focus only on my CSET studying. Please pray for me! I have one week to bone up on Algebra (basic, so not too bad) and geometry (ugh! This is torture for me!) I also need to learn all I can about science and physical education. If you are wondering why I waited until now to start, Quinn has been home on break for the past 3 weeks. I cannot study with him in the house. Now, I could have scheduled some time to go the library after Todd got home from work to get a head start on this, but the truth is I do best under pressure. Having a short time frame in which to study really helps me focus. Of course, sometimes procrastinating hurts me in that I run out of time. That’s the risk here. Hopefully 5 days will be enough to get me where I need to be. Once the CSET is passed I can then focus on marketing my voice studio and looking for some local auditions to do some singing for my supper. My goals then, related to the “head” part of this purposeful living are:

1. Pass my CSET on 1/9

2. Pass my CBEST on 1/26

3. Market my voice studio (10 students by March 1)

4. Audition for local singing opps (studio work, musicals, San Diego Opera Chorus)

So that’s my day “3” of my 40 days of purposeful living!

If you have a second, send me an email or Facebook message and let me know how your journey is coming along!

Loving you “on purpose”,

Natalie