Hello friends. Well, as I said in my last entry here I am catching up. Wrong! In my last entry I wrote that I would catch up on days 8 through 11 with a brief summary. And now, three more days have past and here I am, just now writing. "Whatever," I say to myself! :) Meaning, I do not like making commitments that I do not keep. Hey, isn't there a growth opportunity in there somewhere related to the "head" part of this journey? Well, I do believe there is!
The reality is, I do not know how to catch up. :) So, today is Thursday, January 14th. I will update you on the head and hard-body parts of my 40 day journey first as those are the easiest and then I will combine a few chapters of The Purpose Driven Life in this entry and those to come. My point is, I am committing to catch up without a plan. How's that?
On this 40 day journey I committed to exercise by body daily, exercise my heart (spirit) daily and exercise my head daily. The desirable outcomes are; a thinner me, a more peaceful me, and a more successful me (gainfully employed would be nice, but not necessary). So, overall how am I doing? Here is the update, 14 days in!
The "Hard Body" part:
This is going great. I think it's the easiest for me to do. Think about it- though it takes commitment to get moving, the fact is that our bodies were made to move. Every day I find opportunity to exercise even if it is not in a formal way. For example, I walked to Quinn's bus stop the other day and took the dogs. When we got home we ditched the backpack and kept going... the dogs in hand and Quinn on his pedal "go cart". Good, wholesome exercise for one and all. I ended up pushing Quinn up a 3/4 of a mile, very steep hill. I actually sprinted for part of it. It took me the rest of the walk home to catch my breath! Somewhere in the back of my mind is a little voice saying, "When you push your body to change it will rise to the occasion. So push!" (That voice is Marco, one of the Exercisetv trainers, by the way.)
Another fun thing I added to my workout schedule (doing the Exercisetv.tv hard body workout plan) is boot camp. This is a relatively new buzz word in the exercise community! And I'm doing it! Trend setter me! (Actually, I suspect I am a bit behind the trend.)
There is certainly something to be said for partnering with a friend to exercise. I went one time and so thoroughly enjoyed myself, that I signed up for next month, too! The hour flies by with other women with whom to chat, and a fun, inspiring leader who points you in every right direction; "Okay, now let's take a lap... okay... 45 seconds of army crawl... go... okay... let's cool down and stretch!" What? Already time to cool down? COOL! When working out to my TV I always have one eye on the clock and am wondering, when will this torture be over?! When working out with a group of women, much like my fond memories of gym class (yes, I reminisce of gym class with fondness), there's camaraderie, shared experience, shared pain and shared laughter. (And these ladies bring their toddlers and babies... how fun is that? Exercising with all these little cutie pies toddling about?) It's inspiring!
And by the way, regarding gym class, if you struggle with weight when did it start? When you stopped taking gym class? Gym class is brilliant. In my school we were done with gym after our sophomore year. And yes, that is the year the battle with my weight started for me. Think about it... one simple hour (45 minutes, really) of getting the heart rate up a bit and having fun with some friends. FITNESS!!!! What a concept! Gym class, hooray for you!
What's my point? If you have time and can find an affordable and time-convenient boot camp, go for it! I am not one that is fond of the gym. Going solo and hanging out with weight machines and cardio equipment and people I barely know has no appeal for me. Nor does the $30 a month in dues. The classes? I get bored with them. I need change-up in my routine. I get that from picking and choosing video exercise online and on cable TV, from mixing it up with friends for walks and bike rides, taking my family to the park, and doing the boot camp. Find what works for you and do something 30 minutes a day. Take it from me, you'll feel so much better when you do!
Speaking of feeling better, my back pain is nearly gone! Wow!
So... 14 days into daily exercise and am I thinner? No way. In the beginning I lost over a inch, but I suspect now that had to do with me kicking up my water to at least 64 ounces a day. I have not lost weight for what I believe are two reasons: one, easy come, easy go. Water up a day? Water down a day? Body bloated... (thank you for the gift, mother nature)? This is too important a time for me to be weighted down by the scale. The reality is, at 42 my body is not going to change that fast and neither is yours. So, go easy on yourself. I was going to weigh weekly but I am now going to wait a few more weeks. I do think it's important to weigh regularly, to keep tabs on where you are at in your goals, but I don't want to be discouraged right now. If, in 2 weeks (then 4 weeks of daily exercise) I have not lost any weight or inches, I will need an intervention!!!!
And that intervention will be in the area of nutrition. Which is, I know, the other reason for me not loosing an ounce. Yep, nutrition is my "bad" word. I do this terrible, terrible thing. I do! When I exercise I take full license to eat whatever I want (there is yet another "head" journey in that statement). We've discussed this before. No, I haven't worked on it. Oh, I will. I have had seasons of my life where not so much as one molecule of processed white sugar has passed my lips! Extended periods of time... or "hell" more aptly described. Those fad diets worked for me, but they are not my "lifestyle," and I did not enjoy my life while adhering to them. I'm not sure where my healthy, balanced diet lies but I will figure it out. That's the next step on my "small steps" journey. So far, 2 weeks of movement and water and I'm doing great. Nutrition next, and in the very near future. I will not fail!
The "head" part:
On January 9th I took my CSET. This is the test that will enable me to be a teaching intern in the fall. That means I will get paid to student teach, which is something my husband would greatly appreciate! :) It is necessary and so passing the test matters a great deal. However, I underestimated how much would need to be reviewed to prepare adequately. I will not be surprised or disappointed if I did not pass. I have passed 1/2 of this test already, so I am almost there. If I did not pass the math/science section then I will have another try in March. And I will be adequately prepared since now I know exactly what the test looks like. Not passing is "not great" but it isn't horrible either. I'll get there. I have time and I have a plan in place should I need it.
Also, on January 26 I will take my CBEST. Passing this test will allow me to be a substitute teacher. I fully expect to pass. I am taking the practice test on line right now in bits and pieces and it is very easy. No worries. No studying needed here.
There are other parts of my "head" journey to consider and I haven't written much about them. (I know, this entry is getting long... sorry for that... it's what I get when I wait 3 days to write.) I won't go into them here except to list them for my own accountability and to share briefly about my experience with a life coach!
During the next several months, I plan on pursuing the things in life I have always wanted to pursue but have always felt like my full-time-completely-not-in-my-element-really-not-a-fit-job prevented me from purusing. Well, now that I don't have that "FTCNIMEFNAF JOB" I have no excuses. Here are the goals:
1. Perform more vocally (studio work, San Diego Opera chorus (dream BIG), live theater productions)
2. Send out my book proposal (it's written, just not refined or sent)
3. Build my vocal studio
I met with a life coach this week and she gave me the "how to" of SMART goals. More on all of this another time. My point is, I am on my way and life coach Lisa & I are holding each other accountable. Good stuff!
The "Heart" part (chapters 8 & 9 of the book):
Well, as I knew it would be, this Purpose Driven Life book is AMAZING! If you have never read it, please do yourself a favor and get it. If you have read it, read it again. In fact, I think it's one of those books that bears revisiting once a year. It's full of truth and wonderful reminders of our great God and the intimate relationship he seeks with his kids.
I'm going to highlight chapters 8 and 9 in my journaling today. This is in part of an effort to get all caught up.
Chapter 8 of The Purpose Driven Life is titled, "Planned for God's Pleasure."
You were planned for God's pleasure.
God created everything for his pleasure. It's why we exist. It makes him happy. He thought of me before the foundations of the world and he was happy with the thought of me. ME! Not like I see me, but like only he can see me. If I try and imagine God gaining pleasure of looking at me the way I look at me, full of doubt, mistrust, fear, unkind thoughts and selfish desires, then I don't get it. Oh, and if I look and I see me via the "good stuff"... because I do have "good stuff"... it's still not good enough because we all have good stuff, right? The only way it makes sense is to know that God's view of me is so much more whole than my view of me.
Bringing enjoyment to God and living for his pleasure is the first purpose of my life. WOW!
When I finally understand this truth, I will never again have the problem of feeling insignificant. I am so valuable, God wants to keep me for eternity. What greater significance could I have?
Psalm 147:11, "The Lord is pleased only with those who worship him and trust his love." Worship him... worship him... worship him... where have I heard this before?!
Worship is a lifestyle... it's more than just music. It's not for my benefit. It's not part of my life, it is my life (or it should be). Pastor Warren suggests the secret for a lifestyle of worship is to do everything as if you were doing it for Jesus. Sounds radical! I'm going to give it a try!
Something else Pastor Warren writes that causes a light to go on for me is this, "by constantly thinking of Jesus, I am abiding in his love. That's real worship, falling in love with Jesus." I've often wondered, how do I abide in him? What common task am I doing daily that I could start doing for Jesus? That's something to think about!
Chapter 9- What Makes God Smile?
"The smile of God is the goal of your life." Well, Pastor Warren, that's some lofty goal! Holy cow! :) Fortunately, the text goes on to give a perfect example, Noah. Noah pleased God and because of that, human kind was spared during the flood wherein God wiped evil from the face of the earth. If not for Noah pleasing god, you and I would not exist!
Ephesians 5:10, "Figure out what will please God and then do it." Well, that's pretty simple, I'd have to say! And it's complicated. How do I know what pleases God? Turns out, it's in "The Book!"
Pastor Warren writes that the following makes God smile:
1. My trust
2. My love
3. My obedience (uh oh)
4. My praise continually (uh oh- squared)
5. Using my abilities
I can say that I honestly need work in all of these areas, as I suspect many people do. I say I love him, but do I keep his commandments? Jesus did say, "If you love me, you will keep my commandments." I know I am not obedient. I won't elaborate on that today, but just know it's so. I don't praise him continually, rather I complain about most things... to him! Some days nothing he has done for me is quite good enough. And using my abilities for him? Well, I probably waffle on that one but I will add that I'm working on that. Being an educator will allow me to work in a job full time wherein I will be using my God-given abilities daily. I'm so looking forward to that!
So, I haven't talked about trust. This is the BIGGIE for me! My lack of trust in God is, I believe, at the core of my dealing with mild anxiety disorder. Remember my life metaphor? Bouncing around from light to light, running from the shadows that are waiting to swallow me up? Yea, that one. Well, fear is at the core of anxiety. And God's word states clearly, "Prefect love casts out all fear." I've been praying for a long time that God would perfect His love in me, and honestly I don't even know what I am praying. I just keep asking. I know he will reveal it to me. I do trust him for that.
The day I read this part about trust, I had an experience earlier in the day that I believe God used to set me up for this reading. This is where I say, "Wow! God, you are so cool! Why do I ever doubt you?" He had a lesson for me to drive this truth about trust home.
Quinn & I went for a walk after school. He was on his pedal go-cart and I had both dogs in tow (no easy task). We walked for probably 2 miles. About a third of the way on our journey we passed infront of an elementary school. There are apartments across the street. As we walked, a van pulled up infront of us and slowed. It was driven by one man in his mid-thirties or so, and all of the windows had sheets taped over them. My pace quickened as the van slowed down. Then the van turned around and parked opposite us on the street. Out of the corner of my eye I watched to see if someone was going to come from the apartment to get into the van. No one came. I walked quickly past and then at the next available street I turned right. Now, I don't usually see a "Dick Dasterdly" in every creepy looking van, but it bothered me that this guy was just hanging out in front of an elementary school just after school was released. As I went up the next street I began looking for an alternate route home... anything to avoid going by that van again. Unfortunately, all my searching was in vain. My only option was to go to the store nearby and call Todd to come get us (however, I did not have my phone on me and Todd was at work, so not the most convenient choice). So, we started back from whence we came. The whole time I had my eye on the van and I was praying.
As is typcial for my spirited little boy, he was just giving that go-cart heck! He was all over the sidewalk and running into the things, creating a bunch of noise, etc. I zig-zagged through the school parking lot and kept trying to put off the "pass by the van moment" as long as I could... thinking it would hopefully move on. Finally, I told Quinn, "Buddy, I need you to drive straight and when we get to the street, no messing around. Just turn left and I will push you up the hill. In fact, I'll run! Ooh, fun! I'll push you up the hill super fast!" (In my mind, I can see me trying to outrun a mysterious van, going up hill. Yea, right!) Well, Quinn could not hang with that program. He was his typical self. He wanted to do it on his own and he wanted to do it his way! I knew that van wasn't safe. I wanted to protect him from it. In that we had to pass by it, I was doing all I could to get by quickly and not draw attention to us. Quinn wanted the opposite. I was pretty frustrated with him, but so as not to add to the scene, I let him go his way within reason. It was a lot of work to get him where I needed and wanted him to be. And, he had no clue that an unsafe situation had presented itself. I needed him to TRUST me, to trust blindly that I knew what was best, and I needed him to do what I said.
Later as I was thinking through that stressful situation, I realized the parallel. God is guiding me, knowing what is best for me, and asking that I trust him. I am bucking the system, wanting to be ME, wanting life to be about ME, and not wanting to do what he asks, even if it is in my best interest. Why? Because like a self-centered six year old, sometimes I just want what I want. How often does it grieve God as I am going through self-induced pain? How often does he look at me and without malice or arrogance say, "If only you had listened to me."
I'll close with this bright thought. Taken, again, from my text The Purpose Driven Life, "When I live in the light of eternity, my focus changes from "How much am I getting out of life" to "How much pleasure is God getting out of my life?" That's life changing thinking!
And of course, that's the journey that I am on. Change me, Lord. Help me to ask myself, "How much pleasure are you, God, getting out of my life?"
Thanks for checking in today. I so appreciate your spending some time with me. And as always, I value your feedback and thoughts.
Loving you (on purpose),
Natalie
