Day 12... yet day 42!

"You are as close to God as you choose to be." Rick Warren

"If you want a deeper, more intimate connection with God you must learn to honestly share your feelings with him, trust him when he asks you to do something, learn to care about what he cares about, and desire his friendship more than anything else." The Purpose Driven Life

Hi my friends! It seems I am going longer and longer between posts. I am not tiring out, by any means. In fact, if I could write and blog 24/7 I do believe I would! I think about it all the time. Too bad it doesn't put money in my bank account! :)

Today is day 42 of my 40 day journey. So, let me be honest here. I have not done nearly what I set out to do. Boo-hoo. My goal was exercise my head, heart and body every single day for 40 days. I made a schedule. I created a calendar. I made myself accountable to you through this blog. And I failed. I chuckle as I write that only because I find humor in that my deliberate means of making myself do this did not work. Which only drives home the point we have discussed and I have written about numerous times... it takes so much more than will power to change! It takes a change in the core of one's belief system. As one of you wrote to me, change happens slowly. Take baby steps. You will get there. And I have. Baby steps are much easier than a sprint, that's for sure.

On the positive side, I have definitely changed. For one thing, I can barely let a day go by without exercise. I love it. I feel so good doing it. I can tell my mood is better and my body is healthier. I can jog for a long time without feeling winded. I have definition in my arms I have never seen before. I am a whopping 3 pounds lighter... but several inches overall when I add it all up! I'm not any smaller yet in my jeans size, but that is coming along... I am getting close to my desired size. I am welcoming the slow change to my body because I know this will stick! It's all good.

The Head Part

Well, I cannot be too hard on myself in this regard. Regarding my vocation I am well on my way, though still have a way to go... I can see the end in sight. I have passed all of my exams and as soon as my paperwork comes in the mail I will be set to start substitute teaching. I hope to have my internship (student teaching) going this fall. This is a "timing" issue. So, if i must wait until after the summer to get my own class, that's okay. Quinn & I are planning some great fun for the summer!

I learned something through this process of working toward my credential. That is, that I think entirely too little of myself. I passed each section of the CSET. A few sections I passed "well" and few sections I passed VERY well! I could not believe my scores. All it took was a little effort on my part; that would be studying. Ha-ha! I applied a bit of effort and the reward was amazing. I am so grateful for this experience. It has taught me that I can get things accomplished if I work at it. Sounds so simple... yet for some reason I have been missing it all these years. I've been just skating by in life, doing as little as possible to get by and relying on my natural abilities. Now that I have pushed those abilities beyond their limits and have succeeded, well, I feel inspired. I feel grateful. I feel positive.

The Hard Body Part

As I said in my intro, I have been very successful in making myself more fit. Not so in making myself that much smaller. Smaller was one of the goals, most certainly. Though it was not the "end all". So I continue to work toward that end. I am LOVING the Mari Method. Mari Ann Lisenbe was just what I needed to get over the nutrition hump. And though her program offers much more than just the nutrition piece, the nutrition piece is what has helped me the most. It wasn't until I started following her dietary guidelines that the inches started melting away. This is how I have confidence that I will reach my goal. If you haven't checked out her link to the right of this post, do yourself a favor and check it out. It's such good, practical information. I don't know how anyone could do the program and not succeed!!!!

In light of the fact that I have oh, 28 more chapters of the Purpose Driven Life to complete, I will be still be blogging on my journey to fitness in the area of heart, head and hard body! So, I will continue to share what I am doing with my fitness as well. As the season of Lent is approaching I will be fasting SUGAR, candy, treats, etc. Thank goodness this starts after Valentine's day as I do plan on enjoying my last bit of sugar with the Sees Candy box that Todd always gives me! :) Anyway, I know beyond a doubt that fasting is a great way to not only shed a few unwanted pounds and habits, but to draw closer to God. Which is, of course, the foundation for my journey.

Will you join me a 40 day fast for Lent? Let me know!

Oh, and I did promise in the beginning of this blog that I have before and after pictures as well as all the "skinny" on my weight, measurements, etc. I have not forgotten my promise to post those and I will. As soon as I am at my goal weight of 123 pounds, I will post away!

The Heart Part

This part of the book, The Purpose Driven Life is all about relationship with God. How to do it... how do develop it. Seems simple enough. However, I do know that I sometimes push God out. Why do I do this? His nearness can, at times, make me a bit vulnerable... a bit uncomfortable. Hmmm... I'm just sayin'.

So per Pastor Warren, there are six steps one can do to improve relationship with God. I looked at the first two last week. The others are:

3. Choose to be honest with God

4. Choose to obey God in Faith

5. Choose to value what God values

6. Desire friendship with God more than anything else

Choose to be honest with God.

Well, really, why not? Why not be honest? He knows what I am thinking anyway! He hardly needs a confession, but that's good for my own heart. I love being completely honest with God. It's like in the movie, Bruce Almighty when he says, "Oh? Your God? Well, I've got news for you. YOU SUCK!" God is not saddened, disturbed, or intimidated by Bruce when he dumps this news on him. Instead God looks at him with such compassion and empathy. I think that was well played as an example of how God feels about us. How exactly do you feel about God? Let him know. He can handle it!

From a biblical perspective, Rick Warren suggests that God's friends were completely honest with God, second guessing him, complaining, and being totally honest. He refers to Abraham who talked God into sparing a few lives from Sodom... he... (are you ready for this?)... negotiated with God. He also mentions David, Jeremiah and Job. In fact, God told Job's friends, "You have not been honest either with me or about me- not the way my friend Job has... My friend Job will now pray for you and I will accept his prayer." Did ya hear that?! My FRIEND Job.... Wow!

God wants my frankness. God wants my disclosure. Amazing!

"What may appear as audacity God views as authenticity." RW

I must choose to obey God in faith.

"Every time you trust God's wisdom and do whatever he says, you deepen you friendship with God."RW Jesus instructs us that obedience is a requirement for intimacy with God. John 15:14, "You are my friends if you do what I command."

This is a sticking point for me, truly. I'm seeing that it could very well be the piece that interrupts my spiritual growth. I don't like to submit. I don't like to surrender. I'm afraid it will cost me too much. That's ironic, because in the "end" if I don't surrender I will loose my life anyway. I have never really understood that scripture about loosing your life to find it, and those who hang on to life will loose it. As I say over and over throughout my writing, I'm still working on this submission piece. :)

I must choose to value what God values.

Wow! This is a hard chapter for me! I'm being poked and prodded upon every page turn! The reality? God cares so much about his lost kids, that he sent his son to die a torturous death for them. For us. That is what God cares about most. What do I care about? That I will be liked, loved and accepted. That I will have food when I need it. Medicine when I need it. That my son will be happy. That I will have a house, a car, etc. Basically, on a daily basis I care much more about my needs than I care for the lost souls of those around me. That's a two by four between the eyes right there. Friends of God tell their friends about God. (RW)

I must desire a friendship with God more than anything else.

David wrote, "The thing I seek most of all is meditating in his Temple, living in his presence every day of my life, delighting in his incomparable perfections and glory." How often does the busy-ness and requirement of my day crowd out this desire in me? Often.

I love what Rick Warren writes in this paragraph about Jacob, and I believe it is so true! He writes, "Jacob's passion for God's blessing on his life was so intense that he wrestled in the dirt all night long with God, saying, 'I will not let you go until you bless me.' The amazing part of this story is that God, who is all powerful, let Jacob win! God isn't offended when we "wrestle" with him, because wrestling requires personal contact and brings us close to him! It is also a passionate activity and God loves it when we are passionate with him." Isn't that a relief? Struggling with God? Don't worry. God "gets" it. God "gets" you. God "gets" me.

At this part of the text, The Purpose Driven Life (page 98), Rick Warren gets personal. Here we go. Fasten your seatbelt! "The truth is you are as close to God as you choose to be. Intimate friendship with God is a choice, not an accident. You must intentionally seek it. You may have been passionate about God in the past but you've lost that desire. That was the problem with the church at Ephesus- they had left their first love. They did all the right things, but out of duty, not love. If you've been going through the motions spiritually, don't be surprised when God allows pain in your life. Pain is the fuel of passion- it energizes us with an intensity to change that we don't normally possess." CS. Lewis wrote, "Pain is God's megaphone."

Okay, let me pause a moment. Because this hits the nail on the head for me. Pain is the root of my fear. All the stuff I fear is because I do not want to feel pain. This is very self-defeating. Life is full of pain. I cannot avoid it. It is everywhere. And it terrifies me.

RW goes on to add, "Your problems are not punishment; they are wake up calls from a loving God. God is not mad at you; he's mad about you, and he will do whatever it takes to bring you back into fellowship with him. But there is an easier way to reignite your passion for God. Start by asking god to give it to you, and keep on asking until you have it. Pray this throughout your day, 'Dear Jesus, more than anything else, I want to get to know you intimately.' God told the captives in Babylon,'When you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed." Jer 29:13. WOW! WOW! WOW! That's all I have to say about that!

I close with James 4:8, "Draw close to God and God will draw close to you." I knew when I started this journey that I had become spiritually bankrupt. Remember my writing early on, "I have a broken spirit" and "I am a pessimist"? Clues to my spiritually bankrupt life have been my inability to rise above crippling fear, my checkbook, and my years of wasted time in a ridiculous job, to name a few. I am far beyond ready to have my spiritual life back on track. I am ready to say to whatever situation that comes, "I am not afraid. Because I know that God is for me." I'm not there yet, but I know I will get there. You see, God is my friend. I know that. I need to get to know my friend better.

Loving you on purpose,

Natalie